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Sergeant Penis-Whacker
A high ranking official in the religious bureau, "The Veiled Prophets of Truth", the sergeant is an unpredictable woman. Generally a very level-headed person, Sergeant Penis-Whacker has an unfortunate drug addiction that can cause her to fly into violent actions for up to 24 hours at a time. Despite the effects, she says that she wouldn't give it up, that "BFHOOVEY is too nice for me to just stop buying product from him." They are good friends, and go out for drinks once a month. Biography The sergeant is the recipient of many Young Prophets of the Year awards as well as a plethora of recommendations from the Prophet of Truth Grand Chancellor. She has also been hired by celebrities to write speeches. Most notably Logan Paul's apology video and Elon Musk's 'we're going to Mars by 2024' press conference. 12/11/2018 update: the sergeant wrote Donald Trump's speech that he gave in France about WWI. Most (except Logan Paul, who is a loyal member of the bureau) don't know that their speech was written by a drug addict who is severely medicated with weed everyday. Sergeant Penis-Whacker is known for her hard and aggressive slaps to the penis, she will only stop once it flies off and then she eats it. She has had many victims and aims for Asian males. Her family are all gone and she roams the world by herself looking for poor unfortunate souls to whack the penises off. She has barely any friends and isn't looking for any. If you approach her you must bear a gift of peace and that is a Jade gem stone and a bag of weed. If you are lucky enough your penis will still be whacked and eaten. If the victim fails to impress her, their penis is be thrown into a blender (with them still attached), and then she shoves the blended penis mixture down their throat. After digested, she hangs the victim upside down and slits their throat. The sergeant used to be a young innocent girl, until her heart was broken by her closest friends and family when she was 16. Now at the ripe young age of 20 she is the world's most feared assassin and is the richest female on the earth, after her multiple attacks and bank robberies. If approached, a slow and painful death is likely to come the intruders way. Deep down in her evilness there is a soft spot for puppies and kittens. She has over 1,000 living with her in her basement and regularly looks after them with all her love. She also has her 10 children to look after who she loves very much and are learning her ways of whacking the penis. Out of her 10 children she has only 2 sons, Squishy and Frederick who one day will grow up just like their father and rule the whole of Germany. She is bipolar, among other things, but she is immortal and will live forever ruining happiness for everybody on the planet and their families. Make sure to lock your doors at night and the windows because she will hunt you down and stand over you while you sleep until she feels like cutting your penis off. Trivia * Sergeant Penis Whacker is (obviously) not her real name. However, the amount of drugs constantly running through her body means that she has forgotten her real name. A few people know it, but don't want to tell her. *Her favourite drug is weed. If the payment that she receives is less than 10 kilograms, then the victim is going to die. *Her favourite song is "Butt, butt, butt, penis, penis, penis". *She likes to keep the big ones in her special penis jar for safe keeping. *She is very close with her soul brother but no one knows his identity, some are wondering if he even exists. *Likes Mexican food. *Her birthday is unknown to all except for her. *She can read minds of her victims. *Some question if she is a vampire. Quotes "I don't believe that your small penis has anything with the fact that I whacked George's penis instead." "You gotta live the best life and that is to whack penis all day." "They are better wet." Relationships * BFHOOVEY - One of the few males that she has met that she hasn't whacked the penis off. Opposites attract, which may explain the friends with benefits relationship between one of the most despicable people on the planet and the nicest person to ever exist. BFHOOVEY is the only male who she has met (other than Crazynumnums and Krummin) that she has not whacked the penis off, and it has taken some effort to not do so. However, the pleasure that she receives as well as the likeable nature of BFHOOVEY is more than enough to make up for it.